What not to do in the kitchen....

For you 20 somethings starting out, here are a few tips my roomate Havilah and I wrote about what we've learned about cooking and baking. I hope they save you a lot of time. Some of them may seem silly but all these are lessons learned. Enjoy!

-When cooking banana pudding, make sure you taste the sugar so you’re not putting salt in the pudding.

- You need to melt chocolate in a pot immersed in hot water. Do not heat the chocolate directly on the stove. It will burn! I repeat, it will burn! Once you burn it, there’s not enough milk or water that can bring it back to life.

- Don’t think heating up the oven on 450 for two minutes will substitute preheating it on 350. Your muffins will burn.

-When the recipe asks for an electric beater, please buy or borrow one. Don’t think you can mix your ingredients with a spoon. You cannot whip in hyper speed, you’re only human. You will have lumps!

-When you notice sparks in your microwave, there’s a possibility you put tin foil in there.

-If you have to thaw something, please don’t microwave it to save time.

-Butter and margarine are not equal.

-If you’re baking something that needs to be refrigerated for 6 hours, don’t wait till the
last minute and think you can put in the freezer for 2 hours. It is not the same.

-If the cake you’re baking has to cool down for 4 hours, let it cool. I do mean cool. Don’t try to frost a warm cake, unless you want it to look like a volcano cake.

-You need to sift the flour. Otherwise, you’ll be eating hard baked goods my friend.

- Don’t think you’re Bobby Flay and try to add extra spices and ingredients!

-Lastly, read the whole recipe before you start cooking. There’s always a surprise
ending people. Allot some time and above all else, obey the recipe.

The Corner Spot

I have this corner spot on my leather couch in the apartment. The spot is worn and transforms to any shape my body forms. This is where I go when I’m sick, when I’m tired, and uninspired. The corner spot is my refuge and my haven when I feel like the world is against me. You know that
melodramatic I-think-the-world-is-out-to-get-me-and-I-can’t-find-inspiration-for-writing-so-let-me-get-lost-in-a-two-hour-movie attitude that hits us every now and then. Nonetheless, the spot is where I go to escape.

However, I have realized lately that the spot is stifling me.While I’m sitting there waiting for inspiration, I’m actually wasting every opportunity to be inspired. I like what Stephen King says in his book, On Writing

There is a muse, but he’s not going to come fluttering down into your writing room and scatter creative fairy-dust all over your typewriter or computer station. He lives in the ground. He’s a basement guy. You have to descend to his level, and once you get down there, you have to furnish an apartment for him to live in. You have to do all the grunt labor, in other words, while the muse sits and smokes cigars and admires his bowling trophies and pretends to ignore you? Do you
think this is fair? I think it’s fair. He may not be much to look at, that muse-guy, and he may not be such a conversationalist (what I get out of mine is mostly grunts, unless he’s on duty), but he’s got the inspiration. It’s right that you should do all the work and burn all the midnight oil, because the guy with the cigar and the little wings has got a bag of magic. There’s stuff in
there that can change your life. Believe me, I know

So, in other words, you have got to work. You have got to start writing even if you’ll spend the next hour rewriting. Hey, at least you’re doing something. That corner spot is the spot of excuses. Don’t waste whatever gift you have been given because you are too busy giving excuses about why you are not doing what you are created to do. So get up and do something. You only get this one life friend, that’s it. You can choose to stay in that corner spot but I guarantee you, the corner spot will kill you.

Yo Adrian, we did it.

I remember watching the Rocky movies as a kid. I don’t remember exactly how old I was but I know the fourth movie in the series was my favorite. Here is Rocky, a well known boxer by now, trying to help his friend Apollo Creed get back in the game. Creed, five years retired, can’t give up the business and wants another fight. Confusing arrogance for passion, Creed is ready to take up Drago, the Russian boxer. Drago really wants to fight Rocky Balboa, but settles for an exhibition fight with Creed.

Creed barges in the theater in his typical flashy style. James Brown is singing on the microphone, girls are everywhere, and here comes Creed, dropping from the ceiling and mounted on a bull-shaped stage.

The fight begins. A few rounds in, Creed staggers in the
ring, his face painted with a mixture of blood and sweat. Drago pounds Creed’s face one more time and Creed falls to the floor dead.

The remaining story is Balboa’s journey to avenge Creed’s death. As usual, I’m cheering for Rocky. I believe he can do it. Besides, he’s never disappointed me before.

As a kid, the movie drove me mad with excitement. I loved Rocky. I wanted him to destroy Drago. But, the other day, I watched the movies again. I was sick and so I plopped on the couch, lowered the blinds, and divorced living. I switched on the television for passing entertainment and tried to take a nap. Luckily, AMC was hosting a Rocky marathon. Why not, I thought. Three movies in and a part of
the fourth one, I realized, I love Rocky I & II.

Why was I married to Rocky IV all these years? Clearly, the foundation of the first two movies made the Rocky the champion of the common man. This foundation was mostly built on his story with Adrian. One of the best love stories on film, I would argue. It’s Adrian that rescues this cocky kid from Philadelphia and nurtures him into a man. Actually, they rescue each other.

Adrian is shy and lives with her emotionally abusive brother, Paulie. Believing that she lacks beauty, she becomes all brains, no voice, and no confidence.

A braggadocios brawn, Rocky is a street-wise joker. He works at the docks for a money shark, and struggles to make it as a fighter. And despite Adrian’s efforts to be invisible, Rocky sees her. He recognizes her beauty. So, he comes to the pet shop, where she works. He talks to her every day, though she barely responds. He buys two turtles, cuff and link, mostly to impress her.

Thanksgiving day, Rocky visits the house, hoping to take Adrian out. She refuses. Paulie, a sweetheart, yells ferociously at her,calling her loser, and throws her thanksgiving turkey out the window. Adrian runs to her bedroom and slams the door. Embarrassed, Rocky sweet-talks her through the door until Adrian agrees to go on the date.

The genius scene in this film is their first date, which takes place at a skating rink. The rink is closed, due to the holiday, and so Rocky haggles with the owner to let the couple on the ice. The fighter can only afford to pay off the owner for 10 minutes and get Adrian skates. She skates;he walks beside her, mainly talking about himself. She doesn’t mind because she barely speaks. However, in that moment, she opens up to this wise guy. She finds out Rocky’s dad told him he didn’t have much of a brain, so Rocky decided to use his body. He finds out Adrian’s mother told her she didn’t much of a body, so Adrian sharpened her brain.

After the rink, they go to his apartment. Adrian is clearly uncomfortable. But, Rocky eases her, takes off her glasses, complements her eyes, and kisses her. She opens her heart and gives herself to him. (I mean emotionally, thanks Rocky, for always keeping it PG)

And Rocky, though big and muscular, treats her with care. He is tender. He refuses to ask her to be something she is not, but rather exposes her beauty. He not only protects her with strength, but with soul. This soul and this heart drive his ambition to become a better fighter. He becomes a little selfless and assures Adrian he will stay with both his actions, and his words.

“You ain’t never gettin’ rid of me,” he says.

And she never does. They redeem each other and Rocky finds something to fight for in Adrian.

"Oh my God how sweet is the sound, I once was blind but now I just look away..."

The fact of the matter is, we’re all lost. We’re looking for a savior and hoping to matter of fact crying out to find one. Those who think they aren’t are only fooling themselves. Most of us are just faking it till we make it.

Some of us know we’re lost a little too well. Some of us are too familiar with being lost that we’ve created personalities, we’ve created other lives to cope. But the best thing the world can do is label us with a medical condition. Ha, aren’t we all medical conditions? Aren’t we all walking around sick? We’re sick with greed, sick with rage, sick with anger, sick with lust, sick with love, sick with doing good deeds, sick with searching for acceptance, for validation. We’re all sick, you know. We’re all weird. We’re all strange. We’re all quirky.

We don’t love as we should because we are yet to be perfected in love. Those who think that they have been should visit 1 Corinthians 13:4 often and meditate on it. Just allow yourself to be convicted because regardless of whether you do or not, trust me, you need it. How many times have you walked down the street feeling like you’ve done so well and something shakes you up? You know those days you have your quiet times with the Lord, you’ve served the needy, you’ve laughed, and you think you love immensely. And then those little things happen in life. See it now? The baby pukes on your shoulder, the cashier short changes you, someone looks at you the wrong way, your alarm doesn’t go off and you’re almost late to work, that barista makes your latte the wrong way, that 70-year-old lady drives too slow on the road, someone talks about you, someone doesn’t keep a promise, someone calls you out on something you’re doing wrong, someone invades your bubble. Ha, I tell you, when the Word says “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks,” these are the moments it is speaking about. What comes out when those situations happen? The uttering that flows from your lips is the abundance that rests in the pit of your belly. The murkiness that lies deep that you haven’t allowed God to cleanse. There is no effort in acting kind when everything around you is smooth. Matter of fact, your kindness is useless. If the world was our Utopia, we would not need kindness, we would not need love. Love is kind. That’s what the Word says. The thing about striving to resemble Christ is that he teaches to love in a way that encompasses everything that is good. The Word doesn’t separate these two facts. Love IS kindness. Love IS patience. When you practice kindness, you automatically practice love. And just stop trying to think you can do it by your own strength. Point blank, it’s not going to happen. We need Christ. You’re dying without Him. There is no life abundantly without Him. You just exist.

Sometimes I make myself watch the news because I need to be reminded that the world is falling apart. Just like Brooke Frasier sings, “the innocent fall and the monster still stands.” Yet, we’re so apathetic. I recognize this fact mostly in myself. If it doesn’t touch me, it doesn’t matter. If the injustice women experience in Iran doesn’t touch me, I remain apathetic. If that little girl starving in India doesn’t touch me, I remain apathetic. If the fact that there are millions of persecuted Christians in Sudan doesn’t touch me, I remain apathetic. If the fact that a lonely old woman who desperately needs a friend and lives two miles from me doesn’t touch me, I remain apathetic. We have to recognize that the one thing that bind us together is that we are the human race.

I saw this interview of these two 80-year-old twins who have a soup kitchen. One of the precious ladies talked about the lessons their father taught them.

1. We have one heavenly father.
2. We are all the human race, not matter the race, color, or creed
3. Do not take the last piece of bread from the table because there is someone else out there who needs it more.

I cried the whole time watching that interview and I’m in tears writing this blog because I realize how much I am lacking as a human. God help us because we need to be rescued from ourselves. Let us understand that without Christ, they will never be a change within us. And if we cannot allow someone else to work inside of us, how will we help those around us. Let me tell you, we need each other. No, we are starving for each other. We don’t realize it. The naked truth remains, however, that whether we help one or a million people, if we don’t do it because of the love we have already received from Christ, it will always come back to us. It will be a self-driven deed, which is a recipe for disaster.


“You who mourn will be comforted; you who hunger will hunger no more. Oh, the last shall be first, of this I am sure. You, who weep now, will laugh again. All you lonely be lonely no more. Yes, the last will be first, of this I am sure.”-Brooke Fraser, Flags.

Make a list that shows you are incredible

So we hear all the time we should make a list about what we want in a spouse. I agree with that logic. I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone but for some of us, it’s a good idea to have one just in case you need to go back and remind yourself what it is you’re looking for in a mate. In the process of waiting, however, I do believe you should strive to be what the mate you’re looking for is looking for.

And as we know, in singlehood, sometimes you hit those stale points. You start forgetting how fabulous you are. How you have something to offer. When you’re in that state, I suggest you make a list. I did this not too long ago. Sometimes, you can be surrounded by so many relationships that it begins to mess with your mind. You start wondering if you’re beautiful enough, smart enough, talented enough, etc. The self loathing continues.

When you feel like that, grab a pen and paper and write down at least ten positive things about yourself. I guarantee you that when you start, you’ll have more than ten. You will feel so much better and realize that this is just a season. Yes, the Lord will continue to shape and mold us as much as we allow him to do. But, he has already created you as a wonderful human being and you should not let a little self doubt rob you of that realization.

Here are some things I jotted down on my own list….
1. I love the Lord and I allow him to work in my life
2. I am an intelligent woman
3. I have a great smile
4. I can speak more than one language.
5. I have touched three continents
6. I’m short which is great cause I love tall men
7. I have great style
8. I am an avid reader
9. I love to laugh
10. I love to dance

Love, that is the armor of light.

We arrived at Kona Airport Saturday night at around 8:00pm, which was 2:00am Georgia time. Needless to say, our team was exhausted. Fourteen hours of travel had worn us out and it was nothing but refreshing when we felt that Kona air on our faces. After a surprisingly easy time at baggage claim, we ate some sandwiches and went to bed anticipating the week ahead of us.

I woke up the next morning at 5:30am in a foggy cloud. I was exhausted yet awake, jetlagged, in a new environment, and trying to look coherent enough for Sunday morning service. I threw on what I could and we drove to Puna Baptist Church.

Puna Baptist Church is a small church located in what used to be a flower shop. It’s not huge, it’s not grand, but I guarantee you it is what Jesus spoke about when he spoke of the church. Our team did not meet church members who saw each other once a week that morning, we ran into a family who knew each other by name. The building did not constitute the church, the people did. When I walked into that small building, I could automatically feel the spirit of love pouring out. This was a church that understood community. We worshipped with them, we watched as they celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, people who were leaving, guests—we watched as they celebrated each other.

The church takes care of each other. Hosting such things food banks every Thursday, they do their best to help each other. Everyone has their own light and they let it shine. They don’t dim each other’s light, they celebrate it. They understand that the greatest armor a Christian can carry is love. They poured love on us and I tried my best at times not to cry as I loved them as best as I could. During my week with these beautiful people, God taught me a lot of lessons and I will be expounding on these lessons in the next few blogs. Tune in.

The Danger of a Single Story

Chimamanda Adichie.

She is amazing. Also, her name is beautiful.

they never taught us to be fearless....

My friend Havilah (she’s going to be a famous writer some day) told me this story about the lady who invented Spanks. She said that this lady’s dad used to reward his kids when they failed at something. He did this so they would never be afraid of trying and failing. I love that idea! That story just spoke volumes to me because that is a fear that every human being has. The fear of failing and that they will not be good enough. I’m kind of, scratch that, I am experiencing this right now.

So aside from writing, I have this dream of becoming a spoken word artist one day. The fact that I don’t think I am already speaks volumes of my fear. I’ve tried recording my poetry and making videos but I always delete them. When I press play, my voice doesn’t sound like Amena Brown or Bradley Hathaway or Mos Def or Common….well, you get the point. See, I know that I should want to sound like my authentic self and inside of my inside of my inside, I do want that. I just have that fear that I won’t be enough.

I heard Oprah say one day that “everyone wants to know that they are enough.” That is so true. Isn’t that why we shy away from things or we fear to show our authentic self? It is that fear that we will not be enough that paralyzes us. We give other people permission to be who they are but we are afraid of doing it ourselves. If I felt that EVERYTHING that makes up who I am was enough, fear would have no room. I would be 100% confident, secure, loving, and bold—but alas, I am not. So that is my plan for 2011, I guess my New Year resolution, to know, say, and commit to the fact that I am enough and I will welcome every great thing that God has to offer. I am secure. I am confident. I am beautiful. I am 100% me.

So this year, let’s be enough for ourselves. Jesus Christ said “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” The key here is to first love yourself fully and then you will understand how to love your neighbor. If you love yourself with everything you have, you can’t help but love others the same way. Jesus pretty much knew what he was talking about. So, I’m going to record some poetry and I’m going to learn to be fearless. I’ll leave you with some words from Marianne Williamson.

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do.....As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”