I was browsing through some old word documents and I found a
poem that I wrote a few months ago. It’s
not complete but when I read that first draft, I thought, “Man, this is good
stuff! Why didn’t I continue?”
I guarantee you that
when I wrote it, I thought it was mediocre. That’s why I tucked it away. I
didn’t believe in it. Why do I do that? I’m actually going to say, “Why do we
that?” because I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. After I read the
poem and thought it had potential, I immediately felt shame for thinking that
my own writing was good. I’m just being honest.
Well, if I don’t believe in my own craft, who will? My
roommate is reading Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield right now and as I was
skimming through it, I read this quote and it gripped me.
“In his heart, the amateur knows he’s hiding. He knows he
was meant for better things…If the amateur had empathy for himself, he could
look in the mirror and not hate what he sees. Achieving his compassion is the
first powerful step toward moving from being an amateur to being a pro.”
Wow … talk about conviction. The words “uggh” and “gross”
definitely crossed my lips after reading it. It’s alright to be nervous and
sometimes fear will grip you, but I have found that you have to learn how to
move past the fear.
Have you ever met those people who don’t know how to take a
compliment? It’s as if they don’t want to believe the positive things you say
about them. It’s easier to play the shy card….or as I like to call it, the
insecurity card. I want Jesus to teach me everything about loving others, and
somewhere in there I want Him to show me how to have empathy on myself.
My roommate and I were joking about having “dating resumes,”
and how when you start talking about yourself, you always feel like you haven’t
accomplished enough. As she started naming various accomplishments in my life,
a light bulb switched on and I realized I like who I’ve become.
There’s definitely a lot of chiseling, refining, and
smoothing to be done. I also don’t want you to conclude that I’m saying a life
is about what you have accomplished, but rather I’m saying that in the
accomplishments and the failures, I’m seeing who God is shaping me to become
and I like it.
I’m sure the devil really hates that. It’s one thing to love
yourself, but do you like yourself? Would you befriend yourself? I think the
enemy knows that if we dare like ourselves, we might dare believe in ourselves,
and at most, believe we are who God says we are and actually start walking in
victory.
So he continues to whisper that who you are is never enough, the
compliments aren’t true, and you will always be one step behind.
Don’t listen to that voice. Look at yourself in the mirror,
have mercy on what you see, and like it. Yes, God is refining me, and I like
who I’ve become.
