We all know them. The sketchy guys who disguise themselves as decent men who try to ignite romance but rather ignite disaster. So my roommate Havilah and I were laughing about some of the weird dating experiences we’ve had and thought we would share them for some laughs. They’re written in a “do not” form for applicability’s sake. Please feel free to post your own story in a comment. Enjoy.
1. Do not plan a date for me and you when you really mean for me, you, your cheapskate cousin, and his girlfriend.
2. Don’t take a girl to a scary movie when you know she hates scary movies. You do not want your date to associate you with mayhem and murder.
3. Don’t have any surprise chauffeurs, and then justify it by nonchalantly saying that your license was revoked because of too many DUIs.
4. Don’t ask a girl on a date by telling her she’s the second choice. How enticing.
5. When you’re coming home from a date and it’s ridiculously hailing, that might be a sign from God that this is not going to work out.
6. Don’t take a girl to a concert where the venue smells like urine and it’s pretty apparent that the police conducted a drug bust there a few hours ago.
7. Don’t mysteriously leave your date only later to be found dancing on table tops in true chip-n-dale fashion.
8. When a guy mysteriously disappears for two months and then calls you to explain, feel free to move on.
9. When you visit a guy’s church and the members are vomiting in trash cans while being prayed for, it’s time to move on.
10. Don’t take a girl to a hard core concert and leave her in the corner with the pot smokers while you dive headfirst into a “swarming” mosh pit.
11. Don’t tell a girl what a pretty face she has and what a pity it is she doesn’t have a body to match.
12. Don’t tell a girl she’s pretty….for a black girl.
13. If the girl you want is a hostess in a restaurant, don’t try to pick her up with a drunken kiss.
14. Don’t propose to a girl while giving her a lap dance in the dishwashing room of a restaurant…gross.
15. Don’t mysteriously disappear during prom because you’re intimated by your prom date’s dancing ability.
16. Don’t try to impress your date by dancing the running man during a slow song.
17. Don’t give a girl anything knitted for a Christmas present. It just sends weird signals.
18. Don’t propose to the hostess on the wet kitchen floor and you’re the dishwasher.
19. Don’t convince a girl to go out with you because you say she’ll change you into a better person….you should do that on your own.
20. Don’t try to complement a girl by comparing her to a burger on the McDonald’s menu!!
21. Don’t ask a girl advice about how to ask a girl out and then reveal that she is indeed that girl.
