"Laughing feels better right now."

I am currently reading Streams of Mercy by Mark Rutland* and in the book, Rutland highlights how at times, we are unable to have mercy on ourselves. Life tends to jolt us with pain and struggles. Most times, we feel lost. As if we’re just wandering and hoping to leave a mark in this world.

 I’m a wanderer as well. I’m about to embark into my mid 20s and I’m still figuring it out. But maybe that is life, trusting God and figuring it out as you go.

 Rutland says that sometimes you have to look at the problems in your life and laugh. Absolve them and laugh. I love to laugh. I love those heaving chuckles that hurt your stomach and bring tears to your eyes. I love when you see something that is funny and a friend sees it too and you just burst out laughing. No words are necessary.  I love catching smiles from strangers. I love laughing at movies and quoting them for the rest of the week. I love meeting people with the same humor as me. I love watching kids laugh. I love how easy it is to make kids laugh. They know not the cares of this life, and that is so precious. I love watching my grandparents laugh because they have known the cares of this life and they laugh anyways. So find someone who makes you laugh today and just laugh. Be the cause of laughter for someone else. Watch a funny video or movie. Watch other people laugh because laughing is contagious. 

Psalms 126:2- Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them."

Proverbs 15:13- A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.

Psalms 63:5-7- My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

"The men whom I have seen succeed best in life have always been cheerful and hopeful men, who went about their business with a smile on their faces, and took the changes and chances of this mortal life like men, facing rough and smooth alike as it came." -Charles Kingsley

"Joy is the serious business of Heaven." -C.S. Lewis

*Amazon link

http://www.amazon.com/Streams-Mercy-Receiving-Reflecting-Grace/dp/0892839988/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361808101&sr=1-2&keywords=streams+of+mercy

Love each other....earnestly?

So, there I am entangled in a heated argument of which I know I’m clearly right. I’m piecing my evidence and stitching my case with facts in order to present the obvious fact that I am indeed right. And then I hear the whisper……that little whisper that Elijah heard after the wind and the fire. It’s barely audible but it echoes loud and clear in my spirit … are you loving them?

“Huh!” is my first response. “I mean, of course I love them. But can’t you see I’m right?! God, you know I’m right and this person just wants to provoke me! And I mean it’s not like this person is a sinner. They’re a Christian!”

And by this time I’m spiritually crossing my hands and pouting because I love being corrected (sarcasm). I hear the voice again, “Why does it matter if you’re right? Do you love them? Are you behaving like my disciple right now?”

I’m not even going to lie to you reader, it’s like nails on chalkboard. I don’t want to hear it. I want God to justify me. I would love for him to acknowledge the fact that I’m not the one in the wrong position here! But he doesn’t. He simply asks me to explore whether I’m operating out of love. At that moment, I don’t respond.  Later, when I return to that question searching the Word, scripture shines like a fiery arrow in the darkness, and the words land like salt on a fresh wound.

“….So see to it that you really do love each other intensely with all of your hearts.” -1 Peter 1:22

This is the part where I begin to unravel and realize I understand nothing about the love God is asking me to offer to others.

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love you neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven … you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”   --Matthew 5:43-48

Sometimes, as believers, we know that we’re supposed to love sinners…you know, love the sinner, hate sin. But there are times, I believe, God purposely places us amidst other believers who just rub us the wrong way. When you’re around them, it’s like two pieces of sand paper rubbing together. It just feels wrong.

This particular day, I asked Jesus why I was experiencing this and he answered with 1 Peter 1:6-7:

 “So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure …. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”

And I won’t try to pretend that suddenly I had this epiphany of love and I’m walking around showering people with the love Jesus offered, but I will say that it helped me understand the reason we experience these problems. My faith is being tested. You cannot prove to be a marathon runner until you have proven you can get off the couch, until you can run a mile, until you can run a 10k…it’s a process. My faith and my ability to love is a process, and it’s one that I cannot accomplish on my own. I need his help. It’s imperative that Jesus helps me or I will fail.

The truth about those two pieces of sandpaper is that they will eventually become smooth. I don’t know about you, but I want my faith to remain strong. To be refined like gold so when Jesus returns, I can bring to him a precious offering.

So this blog is to say that I’m continuously learning. As God continues to smooth my edges, it will hurt and I will suffer, but in the suffering, I know that he is with me. In the suffering, I understand that even though he has every right to walk away, he does not.  I will take his correction and chastisement because even in that he is with me. I will endure it because I would rather experience suffering with Jesus than ecstasy without him. Without him, the joy you have is an illusion.

                                

I dreamed a little dream....

“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” –Sir Winston Churchill

I sent this quote to a friend this morning and in the midst of reading it, I began to think about my own life and whether I’ve missed any chances that God has offered to me. Do you sometimes stop in your busy life and think, “Am I doing what God created me to do? Am I truly utilizing the gifts he has given me?” For me, that moment happens more often than it actually should. I fear that I will wake up 20 years from now with regret. That is my greatest fear. That somehow I’ve missed it. Did God give me tap me on the shoulder and present me with a chance of which I was not prepared?  Maybe. Probably.  However, what I do know is that whenever he “offers the chance to do a very special thing, unique to [me] and fitted to [my] talents” I want to be ready and say, “Here I am Lord, use me.”

So, how do I prepare for this opportunity that I know nothing about? I abide in Him. Think about the times when a huge crisis hits your life and you’re thinking at that moment, “I wish I wasn’t wasting my life two weeks ago, but rather been in the Word so I can know how to attack this problem.” How about the times when you do know how to attack an issue because you’ve been allowing the Holy Spirit to disciple you? It’s great, isn’t it?  I had that type of epiphany recently. God has been teaching me about making agreements about who He is based on my circumstances and emotions. He chose to teach me this through a book that my roommate lent to me. And because of this, I am now keenly aware of when the enemy tries to get me to make subtle agreements based on the ‘funk’ I’m in on a particular day. Just because I don’t feel like God is hearing my prayers doesn’t mean he is not. Anyways, that’s what I’m learning at that moment. I’m putting it into practice and surprise surprise, it is working. I think back on days I spent making these small agreements and I didn’t even know about it. How many barriers did I create between me and my Father because of my unbelief?

I say all this to reiterate that I want to be ready when God offers me that opportunity, whatever it may be. I don’t want to wish I was ready, I want to be ready. I desire to examine my life and know that I pursued the dreams that God placed in my life.  In saying that, let us not lose hope if we feel like we’ve missed it. Praise God that he is a God of second, third, fourth, and fifth chances. My pastor once said, “Don’t think you’ve missed God’s destiny over your life because of one mistake?” I believe that to my core. If we only get one chance, then I’m walking through life aimlessly right now. But I know I’m not. God births dreams, and my friend, he also resurrects them. Hope is not lost. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit and ask him to light your path, and He promises he will.

For I shall teach you; I shall make known to you the way in which to go and I shall set my eyes upon you.-Psalm 32:8

Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.—Psalm 119:105

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours; we are more than conquerors through Christ, who loved us. –Romans 8:37

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –Jeremiah 29:11

From a quick wit to a quick hit.

A friend described me the other day as someone with a quick wit, and I took that as a compliment. Then I began to think about how a quick wit can so rapidly turn into a quick hit to another’s feelings. I’m a big fan of humor and I wish to spend my life laughing. However, I know how easily sarcasm can sourly hit someone’s soul unintentionally. The conversations usually start innocently enough. A sarcastic comment here, a laugh there, you go back and forth and then suddenly a comment seems to fly out unintended and then someone’s hurt or embarrassed. It’s like a paper cut---it happens so fast and you don’t see it coming until there’s a stinging pain and blood is spilling out. If you’re on the receiving end of that hurt, you usually try to recover swiftly by tossing a joke but that sting in your heart tells you that the damage has been done. If you delivered the sting, you try to laugh it off, but you can feel the tension. I’ve been on both sides, and neither side feels good.

A few days ago, my roommate and I were talking about what Jesus laughs about. I mean, we know that he laughs because he created us with that ability. But we don’t have those verses in the Bible where Jesus is making a joke and nudging his disciples. I have no doubt that Jesus laughed while on earth because he is the giver of joy. However, I do expect that he never laughed at the expense of others. That’s the thing about sarcasm…it eventually makes you into a very cynical person. You begin to forget that words have power. The Bible said that life and death are in the tongue. Check out Matthew 12.

Matthew 12:36-37 – Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation (MSG).

I can be very sarcastic at times in an effort to gain a laugh, but there comes a point when I know I’m going too far. I feel it in my soul. I might not even hurt anyone but I know that something is changing in my own soul because of the words that I am speaking, whether in jest or not. The thing about sarcasm is that though it may present an opportunity to laugh, it taints what could be a fruitful conversation. It forces you to hide behind a mask of joking and doesn’t allow you to relate to other people. You cannot speak life into people if you’re too busy twisting words. You also can’t speak life into yourself.

Now, am I saying we can’t joke? No. I’m saying that I personally know when I can hear the Holy Spirit keeping me in check. I see the results when I don’t listen and when I do. Usually, when I find myself soaking in sarcasm, it’s because I’m not paying attention to a deeper problem in my soul. I’m probably not spending enough time in the Word, and therefore I’m trying to find joy in the surface rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to swim in the deep. And if we’re searching for real joy rather than a sad counterfeit, we can find that in presence of Christ.

Psalm 16:11— You will show me the way of life, granting me the JOY of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever (NLT).

Children of men..

This picture is one of my favorite pictures. I love our shiny foreheads, sloppy collars, and wrinkled uniforms because they remind me of our journey, and that God has kept us.  I’m the girl on the first row to the far left with a frown on her face. Guess who’s taking this picture….yep, that’s right, my mom! She loved taking pictures and made us pose for pictures like these all the time. On the front row center is my cousin Grace and next to her, Damaris. The shiny forehead in the back and on the right is Harriet, aka Lulu. And the girl who never looked at the camera is another Damaris, aka Murugi. The only people who look remotely excited about this picture are Grace and Damaris in the front. 

Those uniforms are the product of Central Primary School. We used to walk to school every morning and return for a couple of hours for lunch, and then walk back to school. It's quite amazing we weren’t kidnapped, but then again, no one needed another mouth to feed. Our town was safe.

In this still moment, we were just kids with big dreams, and had no clue most of us would be living in other countries. We were only concerned about weekend plans, which mostly consisted of playing with neighborhood kids from sunrise to sundown. We were children of parents who had nothing but dreams of a better life. Now, don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. We didn’t live in the National Geographic stereotypical huts which most people assume all Africans live in. The two sisters, Grace and Murugi, lived in a house. My mom and I lived in my aunt’s apartments and my other two cousins, sisters Damaris and Lulu, lived in another city. Thankfully, we had food to eat and clothes to wear, which is a lot to say. However, trust me, we weren’t “living the dream.” We struggled, and as a single parent, my mother lived a hard life. In saying that, in that picture, we were children who didn’t know what awaited us in the future. We were intelligent, we were adventurous, but thank you God, our parents had unshakeable dreams. They nurtured us with those dreams. We've come a long way and I hope none of us ever toss pictures like these away. I pray that we don’t forget how little we had, and that we create opportunities for others to tell these same stories. God had a purpose for bringing us where we are now, and I hope we’re living in that purpose and destiny.

 I am bias, but I think we became sharp women.

 Those days, we were joyful children, burned by the sun and coated with dust. We were and are children of men, but most importantly, we are children of God.

For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar. –Psalm 138:6

The Lull

The lull. The snooze button. The "ugghh" sound you make when life seems to drag. Are you familiar with that feeling? That groan that slips out when you open the Bible sometimes because you know that you'd rather be watching a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress."

Welcome to the club.

I call that "The Lull." I know that feeling too well, and I've been battling that groan lately. And of course it's always served with a side of guilt. You know what you ought to be doing, but you don't. Well, let me encourage you with this simple advice: just do it. Chew one morsel, or one verse, at a time and know that God is behind you. Pray honest prayers. As Mark Rutland says, "Sometimes you have to pray for the desire to desire to desire God." He sees you and knows that you battle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. But, God will not force you to read your Bible. This is the test. This is part of what Paul preaches about in the new testament--endurance. We have to endure when things seem great, horrible, boring, tiresome, etc. We endure because at the end of this race, my friend, is Jesus, our most precious and greatest reward. One of the best promises from God is that the more we seek Him, the more we will find Him. And once you taste His presence, you crave it. That lull turns into excitement, expectancy, and anticipation. You will find him. Praise God his Word is true!

A few "don'ts" on dating

We all know them. The sketchy guys who disguise themselves as decent men who try to ignite romance but rather ignite disaster. So my roommate Havilah and I were laughing about some of the weird dating experiences we’ve had and thought we would share them for some laughs. They’re written in a “do not” form for applicability’s sake. Please feel free to post your own story in a comment. Enjoy.

1. Do not plan a date for me and you when you really mean for me, you, your cheapskate cousin, and his girlfriend.

2. Don’t take a girl to a scary movie when you know she hates scary movies. You do not want your date to associate you with mayhem and murder.

3. Don’t have any surprise chauffeurs, and then justify it by nonchalantly saying that your license was revoked because of too many DUIs.

4. Don’t ask a girl on a date by telling her she’s the second choice. How enticing.

5. When you’re coming home from a date and it’s ridiculously hailing, that might be a sign from God that this is not going to work out.

6. Don’t take a girl to a concert where the venue smells like urine and it’s pretty apparent that the police conducted a drug bust there a few hours ago.

7. Don’t mysteriously leave your date only later to be found dancing on table tops in true chip-n-dale fashion.

8. When a guy mysteriously disappears for two months and then calls you to explain, feel free to move on.

9. When you visit a guy’s church and the members are vomiting in trash cans while being prayed for, it’s time to move on.

10. Don’t take a girl to a hard core concert and leave her in the corner with the pot smokers while you dive headfirst into a “swarming” mosh pit.

11. Don’t tell a girl what a pretty face she has and what a pity it is she doesn’t have a body to match.

12. Don’t tell a girl she’s pretty….for a black girl.

13. If the girl you want is a hostess in a restaurant, don’t try to pick her up with a drunken kiss.

14. Don’t propose to a girl while giving her a lap dance in the dishwashing room of a restaurant…gross.

15. Don’t mysteriously disappear during prom because you’re intimated by your prom date’s dancing ability.

16. Don’t try to impress your date by dancing the running man during a slow song.

17. Don’t give a girl anything knitted for a Christmas present. It just sends weird signals.

18. Don’t propose to the hostess on the wet kitchen floor and you’re the dishwasher.

19. Don’t convince a girl to go out with you because you say she’ll change you into a better person….you should do that on your own.

20. Don’t try to complement a girl by comparing her to a burger on the McDonald’s menu!!

21. Don’t ask a girl advice about how to ask a girl out and then reveal that she is indeed that girl.